A Mindfulness Practice for Allowing Anger without Being Consumed by It
If you’ve been feeling angry lately, then you’ve been paying attention. Just the term “unprecedented times” has been enough to piss me off these last few years. While we seem to be moving past the worst of the pandemic in some parts of the world, it isn’t over and the ripple effects on the economy, the workforce, our relationships, and mental health will be felt for a long time to come. A global pandemic, though, is only one of many major issues facing humanity. War, climate change, and widespread political divides and unrest plague the globe. This is, unfortunately, a shortlist of our problems. There are many more, too many to list here, and we’ve each been impacted in some form or fashion.
Many of us have also been driven to anger, even rage, over the problems of the world. Some people have acted out this anger in ways that cause more harm. Most of us keep it to ourselves. Maybe we rant and rave to friends, drink a little too much, or try to burn through it with work, exercise, or other distractions. We may not act out our anger in ways that are harmful to others, but over time feeling angry can have a corrosive effect and eventually be harmful to our health and well-being.
We may not act out our anger in ways that are harmful to others, but over time feeling angry can have a corrosive effect and eventually be harmful to our health and well-being.
Anger is also useful. It tells us when there’s been an injustice, a boundary has been breached, or harm has been done. In some traditions, righteous anger is viewed as noble. Righteous anger is characterized as an appropriate response to injustice. For example, feeling anger towards a leader who orders the murder of innocent people for political gain is righteous. Feeling anger towards leaders who pass laws that are harmful to marginalized and vulnerable populations is righteous. Feeling angry when you learn of harm done to a child is righteous. Anger in response to not getting your way or because someone made a decision you don’t like or holds beliefs different from your own is not righteous. It’s easy to see the difference here.
Holding on to any kind of anger can become a problem, though. It can prevent us from feeling what lies beneath the anger, such as grief, sadness, fear, or confusion. By masking over other emotions or truths, anger can keep us stuck and unable to move forward or take appropriate action.
Sometimes anger can be so profound and complex that simply feeling and allowing it isn’t enough. If your anger stems from more than one area of life, for example, it can easily accumulate and compound. Say, political and world issues are triggering your anger, you also have a coworker who gets under your skin, and someone in your personal life is hostile towards you. Each of these scenarios can generate righteous anger. Now add something more benign, like car trouble or an unexpected home repair, and you’re left with a lot of angry thoughts and feelings taxing your valuable time and energy.
Anger is not always explosive. It can be low level, like a grating feeling of stress and unease that causes us to fuss and grumble. Chronic complainers typically have a store of anger just beneath the surface, if not on full display. When we find ourselves in a persistent negative and displeased mood and struggling to find the good that certainly exists in the world, it’s possible that we’ve become a storehouse for anger.
When we find ourselves in a persistent negative and displeased mood and struggling to find the good that certainly exists in the world, it’s possible that we’ve become a storehouse for anger.
Allowing our anger to surface, feeling it, naming it, and understanding where it comes from are all good ways to process and eventually release the emotion. Writing down why we’re angry, talking about it with a trusted confidant, or doing something physical (but not harmful) to express the anger, such as vigorous exercise, hammering nails into a board, or another activity where we can use a certain amount of force in a way that’s safe and productive may help burn through the emotional energy of anger. However, if you do all these things and the anger persists as it sometimes does, I offer you this meditation designed to create distance between you and your anger while still validating its importance.
A Meditation for Managing Anger
Instructions: First, find a quiet and comfortable setting. You don’t need to assume a formal posture, but you do need to be able to relax. Sit upright with feet flat on the floor. Take a few centering breaths. Notice how your breath feels moving through your body. Feel your bottom against the chair. Come into the present moment as best you can then read through the following guided meditation. After you’ve read it, sit quietly and visualize the meditation from start to finish. Repeat if needed.
Visualize a clearing in the woods. In the middle of the clearing, there’s an unburned firepit stacked neatly with fresh wood and surrounded by a circle of large stones. The ground is clear and open. It’s a safe place to have a fire. Near the firepit is an old tree stump. Sit down. Visualize a fire burning in your heart center. This is your anger. Ask the firepit if you can give it your anger-fire. The firepit says, Yes. Stand up and approach the firepit. Take the fire from your heart center into your hands. It can’t burn you. Place the fire into the stack of wood. Step back as you watch the fire grow and burn. Leave the firepit, knowing it’s there for you as long as you need it.
You can add more anger-fire to it at any time. Eventually, it will burn out, or you may keep it fed. The firepit is always there to hold your anger so you don’t have to. End the meditation by coming back to awareness. If you feel inspired, write down your thoughts or observations.
If you have a hard time with the visualization, you may need more time to relax or fewer distractions, or you may need some encouragement to suspend your disbelief. A talking firepit and a flame of anger-fire can be a lot to get the analytical parts of our brain to accept. No harm, no foul if you can’t quite get there. Perhaps you can use the elements of this visualization to create a practice of your own that your analytical mind will accept?
The point is to create distance between ourselves and our anger without forcing a release or “letting go.” In this meditation, anger is accepted and cared for. It’s given a place to exist that we can visit but that is outside of ourselves.
The point is to create distance between ourselves and our anger without forcing a release or “letting go.” In this meditation, anger is accepted and cared for. It’s given a place to exist that we can visit but that is outside of ourselves. We’re not our anger, and it doesn’t reside in us. The freedom we gain from this helps us get beneath the anger and explore what it might feel like to no longer carry an emotion that can become heavy and destructive. In this freedom, we’re better prepared to make clear decisions and take action that will lead to positive change.
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